2011 Poems

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Alive... (and a little more about depression)

This little poem is about Depression, Hopelessness...etc.

The short story behind it was:
Earlier today, (like a couple of minutes ago.) I was sitting on the couch. Then I felt this fire racing through me. I have felt it before but then I heard... words. It was like a song playing in my head. I ran and grabbed a pencil and paper, sat down and expected to write... I DID WRITE. But I didn't control my hand. It was moving by itself. Awkward as it seems, I love it when that happens... Okay here is the poem:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alive

I'm alive...

but I'm not.

My heart is torn,

split into a million pieces.

Hard to fix this mess,

on my own.

I am crying out,

Can you hear it?

Lost, I am walking,

Is there such a feeling as "Happy"?

Down this road I walk,

darkness surrounds me.

Can you hear my

desperate cries?

I'm alive,

but I'm not.

Is there more to life

than breathing?

If so, Please show

me how to live...

I am broken inside...

A pain so intense.

Afraid to cry, because I

know, it won't be a single tear.

Can anyone hear me?

Can't anyone see my pain?

Listen while I cry?

Is there anyone I can trust?

Snared by depression,

Can I be set free?

Will you watch me soar up yonder?

Or, will you turn your back?

I understand,

I am not worthy...

This pain...

Agony grips me...

Depression strangles me...

Hate weighs me down...

Fear makes me stumble...

Hopelessness slaughters me...

Again and again.

Save me please...

I'm alive...

but, I'm not.

Is there any hope,

at all?

Can I close my eyes,

and hope that everything will be okay?

Bring meaning into my life,

so I don't end it...

So soon.

Break this chain.

Set me Free.

Is there more to life than

breathing?

Show me...

Please?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MNJ

For those who are depressed and don't believe anyone understands... I want to say I do. I have walked down that road. Yes, it is dark and lonely. Suicide isn't a way out. If you are depressed (or hurting deeply in other ways.) You CAN overcome it. Depression ISN'T a dead end... it is a beginning. It helps you build your faith. Knowing that you didn't overcome by yourself. I was a VERY depressed young girl... I have proof that I overcame it. I am more than willing to help/pray for ANYONE who is struggling right now. I don't pray to make me sound good. I pray to show others that God IS REAL!! And whatever you are going through right now, isn't a dead end. It doesn't mean that "Hey dude, your life is hopeless. The only way is to kill yourself.." Please, don't listen to that. Depression can either kill you or help you. It is all on your attitude about it and which god you listen to.

I guess I am done...

Thanks so much for reading!

MNJ

P.S

I do want to help in anyway I can! I want to make Satan so angry with me!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Painful Memories...

Okay, I'll admit it! Sometimes my mom is right! I love her...(somedays) but shhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Don't tell her!!! hahaha! Sometimes I think she is so not fair! We have actually fought on the couch. Like I bit, pulled her hair, pinched and kicked her.... I never understood why she never quit fighting. In my mind I was stupid, worthless, unknown! I was hated. I was a RAD child. (Reactive Attachment Disorder) I never learned how to love... until now...

In case she is reading this, I'll say some nice sweet things about her... just so I won't get lectured!!! teehee! My mother does NOT know the words NO! and normal. You tell her no she can't do it then she's going to do it! You ask why can't she act like your normal "Well, Honey, Don't you look darling" mothers, she'll ask why does she need to be a setting on a dryer!!! Have you ever heard a little kid say "Your not my boss, mommy is!" Hahaha! That explains my mama!!!!

Okay! I'll get serious!!! We all have hard times right? Read this poem: (It is an old poem.)

Broken

I am torn into

pieces.

Broken inside...

My eagerness dies...

My happiness disappears...

Dread fills my heart...

Fear is here...

I look at what is left

of me...

Nothing...

In reality I am as burden

to my family...

Here I am...

Torn into pieces...

I know they were right...

I am a mistake...

Tonight, you won't see the

tears I cry...

I've told you everything...

I even opened up my heart...

I let you in...

Now what's left of me... is who

I pretend to be...

I am broken inside...

My life is slipping by...

I am only 13! I can't die yet!

I am barely holding on...

I am an outcast...

A burden...

Once again...

I am broken inside...

MNJ

Kinda sad huh? It hurts to be hurting. Sometimes it hurts to cry or even talk about what's wrong. You have had a thorn or a sticker in your foot or hands right? It hurts really bad... It hurts to pull it out and even is a tad sore later. Your painful memories stick to you like a thorn in your heart. It isn't gonna come out until you decide your gonna pull it out. It hurts! I know! Let God hold your hand while you pull it out.

Will you do me a favor? I want you to look up this song(z)

"Who Am I?" (Casting Crowns)

"Alive" (Toby Mac)

"New York to L.A" (Pressplay)

I know this is an awfully short post, but I pray you learned something!!! Don't forget to look them song or songs or songzzzzz up! Thanks,

MNJ

"Whoever said life was dull as obviously never met God" - MNJ

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Mama's Hands

I saw you hide your hands

in line, Behind that pretty lady,

I noticed too,

hers were soft and white-

immaculate from care.

But Ma, I say, it's no disgrace

to have workin' hands like you,

and had she lived the life you have,

she'd have hands just like it too!

But her hands have never
hauled in wood, or worked
in God's good earth.

They've never felt the bitter
cold, or chopped ice for
waitin'' stock.

They've never doctored sick
ones, or dressed a poor goat's hoof.

They've never pulled a hip-locked
calf, or carried feed into the barn.

They've probably never patched blue jeans,
Or had worn ol' shirts to iron.

They've never touched a young'n,
Or caressed a fevered head.

With hands so gently laid on
him, prayin'.

They've never scrubbed a milker,
Or washed a milk cow's udder.

They've never guided with those hands,
a child who's lost the way.

They've never cooked for us hungry hordes,
Or washed dishes day by day.

They've never peeled peaches,
Nor have they canned.

They've never worn a blister,
Or had calluses to show.

For all they've done for others,
and the kindness I know.

So you see, my dearest Mama-

Yours are hands of Love,
And I bet God will notice when
He greets you from Above.

-MNJ


 

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Have You Ever...?

To Some,

 This poem

Is meaningless.

To others,

It hits a nerve

And tears fall.

Have you ever,

looked around

and  wondered if

the people around you

are like robots?

Have you ever,

Thought that your

life is a endless

dream?

Have you ever,

Wondered if God was

really  Real?

Have you ever,

been so overwhelmed with grief

You cry until you can't breathe?

Have you ever,

felt like you are the only one

who is lost in this big World?

Have you ever,

Cried out "Why me?"

And no one replied?

As anger, resentment, grief and regret

consumes you...

The world is stuck on go.

It zooms past,

leaving you in the dust.

Have you ever?

Have you ever,

trusted someone so much,

that they turn and walk away?

During our teenage years,

Satan has control.

Let us take a stand,

And put Satan

where he belongs.

Not in our hearts,

But in Hell.

Let's stand and laugh.

In his ugly face!

Ha! Ha!

Have you ever?

Have you ever,

ran until you couldn't

take another step?

Have you ever,

felt unloved

when you have someone

standing with His arms open

wide?

Have you ever...,

Felt that no one understands

how you feel?

I understand...

So does Jesus.

Have you ever...?

MNJ

Give this to a teenager! Please!