Saturday, October 12, 2013
Another Poem: Hold…
My daughter wrote this poem today. She told me she dreamed of being pregnant last night. Then after that I shared with her a friend's adopted daughter gave birth way to soon to a way to small baby girl. She went and wrote this poem. Please lift my friend and her family up as they mourn Justice Faith's birth and death:
Hold…
I watch them carry you away…
I silently beg that you’ll live for a day.
I can hear voices in the next room…
In my heart, I feel death loom.
I hold back my tears…
I chase away my fears.
Although a few tears escape as they fall upon these white sheets…
Child, will you remember my heart beat?
I see a man, and he tells me you won’t live…
My head whirls, tears blind my ability to see…
My mind screams, “How can this be?”
They carry you back to me and lay you in my arms…
I look at your small sweet face and can’t help but think,
Even near death, you still have charm.
I don’t want you to die…
I just said hello… why must I have to say goodbye?
I close my eyes…
My mind is racing with “whys”
I see God’s face…
I am overwhelmed by His love and grace.
He gently took my child…
He looked at me and smiled.
“Do not let your heart become sad…
Listen, My Child… death is not bad.
Just because they are gone…
Doesn’t mean they aren’t singing a song.
Death isn’t as terrifying as you think…
It is merely birth and life…
It would be over before you could blink.
Hold this child as you would anyone you love, thriving in your heart.
You, My Child… are one of the best!
You, are stronger then the rest.
You have lived, given life, and seen death…
You, My Daughter, will forever be blessed.
When you hold to Me…
This is the Death you’d see.
When you truly love Me, I am Death when your time ends…
So stand out! Refuse to follow others and blend.
When the world fades and see Satan as Death…
You, My Loved One, will be blessed.
So listen… and Hold fast to Me…
And when you die, I am Death, whom you will see…”
I feel a touch on my hand…
I look to see my child holding onto me…
“Mama, I may have not flown far, but I have flown... now I must land.”
I blink away the tears, “I will hold you in my love… Go, my child.
Go to Him as a treasured dove.”
I feel my body stir and my eyes open.
Death is two beings…
One is God’s love and grace…
The other is Satan’s face.
Listen closely to my words…
Hold once in life…
Hold twice in death…
Hold forever in life again.
We all will die…
We all will have to say goodbye.
So my friends, tell me…
Which Death do you plan to see?
~Marie J.~
Friday, November 8, 2013
Daughters Poem~Powerful!
Get Over It
I sit beneath the shade....
Listening to a woman share her fears.
"Nobody cares... Life isn't worth living, nothing is fair!"
I feel my compassion begin to fade.
Anger begins to take it's place...
I look away, so I can hide the pain on my face.
She continues, "You'd never understand...
I am the only one who hurts this way.
Your life is simple, you never had to fight to live on more day."
I turn to her...
"Ma'am, I am just gonna say,
You are right, I never had to fight for one more day.
No, for me it was life or death...
I only had to fight for just one more breath.
You are right, I'd never understand your pain...
I choose to deal with it, so it wouldn't drive me insane.
I refuse to live on the fairs,
You must learn to see that it is only part of Satan's snare.
This is life...
You must learn to get along... or learn to live in strife.
The only way I can help is to let you know...
You need to learn the simple way to handle your terrible life...
Get over it, Cause if you don't then you will contiue your fit.
While you sit and cry...
The world will continue to go.
People will live, others will die.
If God wanted life easy and pain free...
The His only son wouldn't have died for you and me.
It was hard, why, wouldn't you cry...
if your son had to die?
God didn't say that life wasn't fair...
He didn't tell the worl that He didn't care.
His Son didn't throw a fit, but instead made a choice.
This was a choice, in which, He had to bring to life
Instead of just using His voice.
People living today, are so vulnerable and weak...
They sit and moan, having no idea how powerful the words they speak.
In order to receive fame...
It is taught that one must learn to blame.
They say, "Carry your hate! Let us think of his/her fate!"
Your heart can be deadly...
What you decide to dwell upon, will determine the life your lead.
Should the ground hate the sun... for it didn't shine?
Shall I hate you for taking time that was mine?
If not, then why do you hate?
Why try to be God and determine someone else's fate?
I don't mean to say that the fate is death...
No, you just want them to fight for one more breath.
You are the kind that drag others down
You just want the whole world to moan and frown.
I hope this poem steps on your toes...
I haven't said anything you didn't need to know.
I pray that this touches your heart,
and that you'll ponder this for a while...
-Marie J.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Poem: Not Me…
Not Me…
I lower my lashes to keep you from seeing my tears… the pain… Confusion rushes through me, why am I this way? Why am I so different? Why do I view life so differently? Well, I will let you know why… if you continue to read this…
Close your eyes and try to imagine, sitting alone in the dark… so cold… so hungry… so afraid… Your skin is so cold; there are no goose bumps on your skin. Your breath comes shallow and you try to warm your cold hands. Ignoring the ticklish feeling of lice in your hair, on your face, on your eyebrows…
Your stomach is numb with hunger, you long for food. Anything… just one morsel… one crumb. You began to salivate as you imagine the taste… the texture… the warmth of one piece of cereal. Your body burns from the lashes of the belt your mother beat you with. You eyes burn with unshed tears, and your grit your teeth to keep them from coming. You begin to think about your hatred… the anger towards the whole world. You ask yourself, “Why me? What did I do for mom and dad to hate me?” You shiver silently, begging your eyes to not let the tears go… because if you did… Mother would mock you… hitting you again and again…
Imagine the absolute terror of your father’s footsteps… as he comes into your room. He begins to hurt you… again and again. You bite back your screams… you blink away your tears… your eyes roll back as pain fills your body… the ache… the numbness that soon claims you. A whirling darkness… so safe… so calming… you begin to relax… there is no pain now, only a dull ache inside. This… is your hiding place…
You come to your senses… and father has collapsed on top of you… you wiggle away, careful to not stir him… then you crawl to the darkest corner. Your stare at father’s still form on the floor… a finger twitches… then another. Your legs are covered in blood, your body aches horribly and your stomach churns. Flinching, you get to your feet… stumbling… tiptoeing… you ease to the closet… Where there is darkness… there is a hiding place…
You begin to forget about being hungry… you no longer fantasize about a morsel, but instead of the next breath… You count your breaths… knowing it could be your last… You remember the dimness of your sister’s eyes as she laid there dying… The dullness of you baby sitter’s bright blue eyes as her head was discarded from her lifeless body… You remember that she died… because she said she loved you… and she gave you a hug… you can still remember the smell of her perfume… clinging to her… not wanting to ever let go… but you did… and now… she is gone… gone…
….gone….
A overwhelming anger fills you… you begin to lash out… hating others because they weren’t there… they didn’t save you… and they should have… You are tired all the time… your body aches… and your heart is past hurting… you feel no pain… you are numb… you are me…
You move away… from one place to another, nothing really changes. You understand now that there is no such thing as love… what is love? Where is love? You push away from others… hurting them, trying to make them understand that you had hurt so badly once in your life… Oh, how desperately do you want them to see that you were in pain! However, you can’t bring yourself to admit… that you were in pain… You must stay strong… You must show them that you cannot be hurt anymore… You must fight back before they even began to fight…
Well, here you are… in the arms of some dumb lady… she holds you and rocks you… telling you how she loves you… you stare at the ceiling fan… “No one can love me, you dumb lady… I am worthless… Ask my mom… my dad… I am not good! I am ruined… I am a failure… It is my fault everything happened… If only I had not done…” you think to yourself… you try to show dumb lady how you hate her and everyone else… You don’t want her to love you because it is impossible… No one can love you…
No one…
The stupid woman continues to hold you… after years… the wall in your heart begins to slip… The terror! No, your only thing to keep from hurting is leaving… You try hard to get it back… for a while. Then you realize that it is safe here… maybe… just maybe…
Your tears! Your first tears are rolling down your cheeks… pain… you have finally opened up to feel… to explore your emotions. Your throat burns from holding them in for so long… this is a new feeling… The feeling of security… maybe this dumb lady isn’t so dumb… maybe…
You start to feel, and even open yourself wider to explore this feeling… to live… this is to live… Your anger starts to leave… and you hold on to it for just a little longer… after all, it was your friend for so many years… Anger kept you alive…
You let go of so many negative emotions… now… you must fight each and every day to keep them away… It is hard… so very hard… but you grit your teeth and try to keep the anger from hurting… you realize that others don’t seem to understand… your pain…it makes you angry… they try to do mean things…because they don’t get it…because they are not you… and You…
Are not me…
~Marie J.~
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Another Poem.....
Gone
I look into the mirror and see a smile…
I begin to wonder if it will stay a while.
I see the sparkle in my eye…
Life seems so good, why did I wish to die?
I remember my tears…
I have fought some of my fears.
It is kinda hard to believe I am really loved…
A little bit more so to know He reins from above.
I fight against my own hate…
I refuse for anger and fear to be my fate.
I used to not understand gone…
Now I do, it is just part of my life song.
Everyone has ups and downs…
Why should we go on living with a frown?
I am who I am ‘cause I choose to be…
Granted, I am not the saint that you seem to see.
I crumble…
I stumble…
I fall…
However, that’s not all…
I made a choice to slay my hate…
I wanted a new slate.
I have learned so many things!
I write to allow you to hear my heart sing.
I cry…
So that you know, I really do try.
I may not be what you want to see…
Nevertheless, I am better than I used to be.
One day we will all be gone…
Even though we have all been wrong.
God will never go…
Our pain, He sees… He does know.
When pain comes your way…
What will you say?
How will you deal?
Would you control what you feel?
Life is a dance…
Give God a chance.
Please remember…
Everyone has ups and downs…
Must your face be scarred from a frown?
God really does love you…
Sinner or saint… doesn’t matter what you do.
Don’t hate…
Be embarrassing for others to know anger and fear was your fate.
Everyone really does cry…
If they don’t, take my word, it’s a lie.
One day we will all be gone…
So tell me…
Just how good do you want your life song?
~Marie J. ~
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Another poem!
I Am…
I am no Beauty Queen…
I am no model.
I am not as lean as some…
But to God, I am as stunning as can be.
I am no Barbie…
My life is not as perfect as it is in my dreams.
My eyes aren’t blue…
Instead they are brown.
I am beautiful…
I am stunning.
The mirror tells me lies…
People around me make me doubt.
“I am fat. My nose is too long and narrow…
My neck is too long, my eyes are brown instead of blue!”
I fail to see what God sees…
He tells me…
“You are not fat, but lean.
You nose is narrow and beautiful!
You have a beautiful smile
Your neck is stunning
Your eyes glisten with my joy.
Your hair shines and is beautiful!
Everything about you makes me smile.
Your lips sing of my love…
Your hands write of my heart.”
“But’ I say ‘No man will ever love me!
I am ruined… I am impure.”
He laughs gently and gazes into my eyes…
“Oh my love! You are not ruined…
You are not impure.
I have your man in the palm of my hand…
He is growing and waiting.
But do not give your heart away…
Until you hear me say okay.
You will meet him someday…
I am writing your love story.
It will be more beautiful than any other…
Yes, my beautiful one.
My love, yes it will be.”
I sigh, “I will wait.
When my love and I share our first kiss on our wedding day…
I will know that I could have waited forever…
For this.
I am pure.
I am beautiful.
I am.
~Marie J.~
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Poem Two
Her…
I see her eyes dart around…
With every slap, a kick, a shove-
She dare not make a sound.
I hear her cry out…
All of the lies have caused her to doubt.
The terror in her eyes makes my heart ache.
Her soundless sobs causes her body to shake.
Yet, not a tear reaches her mournful eyes…
She silently wanders when she will die.
I wish I could hold her…
Her father’s words are nothing but a slur.
Her mother is rarely home…
The little girl sets out to roam.
She searches for food…
She prays her parents will have a better mood.
If only I could tell her it would be okay…
If only I could have saved her that day.
Her steps are weak…
There is a cut on her cheek.
She longs for a hug or a kiss…
She has never experienced a young child’s bliss.
I want to hold her broken little body…
I want to rock and cry with her…
No child deserves to be caught in that hateful lure.
I would wipe away the blood…
I would tell her it is okay to let her tears flood.
How can someone be so unkind?
So heartless… blind?
She did nothing wrong…
She sings such a sad little song.
Her beautiful eyes are filled with pain…
How could anyone be so insane?
Nobody listens to her pleas…
How can nobody see?
You look and curl your lip…
Turn away and keep your mouth zipped.
You say, “It’s not my kid.”
You ignore the wrong that her parents did.
She is treated like trash…
Each day she gets bashed.
I wish I could’ve saved her…
But then again I don’t, for then she wouldn’t have been heard.
She couldn’t help others who are hurting…
In fact, this wouldn’t have been written!
Can’t you see?
This little girl is me!
~Marie J.~
Another Poem...
I Am
I am a young woman wise beyond her years…
I am a conqueror of terror and fears.
I am the forgiver and the forgiven…
I am the girl who has done the forbidden.
I am a daughter who has a price to pay when I disobey…
I am a young woman who struggles at times to obey.
I am a survivor of abuse…
I am a girl who isn’t afraid to lose.
I am a young woman who made a choice…
I am the one who isn’t afraid to raise her voice.
I am a girl who has hated and loved…
I am someone who has questioned God above.
I am strong…
I am sometimes not afraid to admit I am wrong.
I am not as far as I would like to be…
I am better then what I used to be.
I am the future wife of a Godly man…
I am waiting as God works out His plan.
I am the young woman who is saving her first kiss.
I am the one who wants to wait for her lover’s bliss.
I am not ashamed of who I am.
I am not looking for riches or fame.
This…
Is who I am.
~Marie J.~
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